The problem with this flimsy accusation is that it always comes only one scene after Jack is seen playing softball with the kids or putting them through training exercises. Without a driving conflict to speak of, the film puts a lot of emphasis on Jack's reluctance to bond with his young would-be superheroes. Attempts at more adult-oriented jokes that waver on the side of blatant stereotypesat one point, Jack tells General Larraby, "For a straight guy, you're awfully dramatic"are truly bizarre and not funny in the least. The pacing, akin to a hyperactive tot with a sugar high, pounds the viewers over the head with frenetic editing and a bombastic aural presentation, all the while keeping things aimed squarely at the 7-year-olds in the audience. With this occurring in the opening fifteen minutes and no major storyline to speak of until the last fifteen minutes, director Peter Hewitt is free to crank up the Smash Mouth soundtrack and let the movie montages do the work for him. Though this may be a cinematic first, it's not exactly a goal worth striving for, especially when the green snot blows like a bubble out of someone's nose and consequently bursts all over the rest of the onlookers. If "Zoom" achieves any feat, however dubious, it is the ability to throw in a fart joke, a burp joke and a snot joke all within a two-minute span.
Jack slowly learns to let go of his defenses and befriend the kids≱7-year-old invisible boy Dylan West (Michael Cassidy) telekinetic 16-year-old Summer Jones (Kate Mara) super-sized 12-year-old Tucker Williams (Spencer Breslin) and extra-strengthened 6-year-old Cindy Collins (Ryan Newman)all the while preparing them for a battle against a looming mysterious adversary who may have ties to Jack's past. Grant (Chevy Chase), who have been instructed by General Larraby (Rip Torn) to bring Jack back to their secret Area 52 facility in order to train a chosen group of superpowered youngsters. He is called out of retirement by the geeky Marsha Holloway (Courteney Cox) and scientist Dr. Nearly plotless and always aimless, "Zoom" stars Tim Allen (2006's " The Shaggy Dog") as Jack Shepard, an auto mechanic who was once a powerful and revered superhero named Captain Zoom. Loud, unctuous and outdated with hit pop-rock songs from three to five years ago, director Peter Hewitt (2004's " Garfield") and screenwriters Adam Rifkin (1998's "Small Soldiers") and Michael Berenbaum (2003's " Elf") also blatantly rip off Marvel's "X-Men" comic as well as 2005's " Sky High," both of which resemble the Second Coming in comparison to this worthless junk pile of a superhero comedy.
An irritating 83-minute music montage posing as a feature film, "Zoom" is the worst family release so far this year.
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